Dear Diary,

We had to put my dog down today. Chip. He was a greyhound and 14 years old...He died right in my hands. It's really hard to believe that, ya know? Anyway...

He's not going anywhere in his life. I don't need that. I need someone who is going to push me towards my goals, not hold me back. I need someone who will encourage me to go that extra mile. He doens't do that. He doesn't have a plan. I don't have a plan but I want one and I want someone to help me with that. What the fuck, I have a plan. I know what I want. I want someone else who knows what they want so we can acheive our goals together. Together. What happened to independence. I used to be so independent like in High School then college hit and all of a sudden I needed people. I needed someone. But I don't. I want. I honestly just want my independence back. I wanna fucking transfer outta this state. I wanna just fucking get away. That's all I want, God! Why can't I just get out?! Why can't the ONE person I want have a plan and do something with his life? Okay, so I'm bitching about little things but ya know, I have a right to. It's my blog. Not yours. Get over it and keep reading. I want Chip back. I'm a needy person? A little tonight. My mom and sister already put up the Christmas decorations. I think it's to get their mind off Chip. I miss Chip. I want to transfer. Yes, I'm running away from my problems but that's worked for me in the past and frankly, it will work for me now. Fuck reasoning.

No one reads these so let's play DIARY

It was an epiphany sitting there in McDonald's with Megeao. It's my business with what I do with my body, ya know? If I don't want to tell my "best friend" that I did something, then I won't. Where in the BFF Handbook does it say you MUST share EVERY secret with your bff? Exactly, it doesn't. I'll share what I 'm comfortable sharing with who I want to share it with. I'm probably not sharing because I know you won't understand. You don't understand. You will never understand until you do what I'm doing. And until then, don't say anything to me about it.

I'm changing. For the better, I believe. But maybe it's worse. Oh'well

You're supposed to build connections with people in college because everyone knows someone. But...I'm not going to build...Okay, let's just start off with I prefer guy friends over girl friends. I just get along better with guys, they are more understanding and can give me a totally different view of a situation. I enjoy that. I'm here in college and guys think I want to fuck them. No. Incorrect. I want to be your friend and if we happen to get drunk and make out then so be it. We do, get over it. Anyway, I've become my cold-self again. Heartless almost. Not giving a flying fuck who walks into my life and their perception walking out. I won't hurt my friends though. Just the opposite sex. It's all just a game I've realized. Ya know, I thought people grew out of that. Something you should be growing out of and not just getting into. But, I was wrong. Which is rare honestly but ya know how that goes. Oh'well. I'm over it...

Who wants to play?